My Time In D.R.U.G.S.

Stories, reflection & some history on the self titled album's 12 year anniversary

D.R.U.G.S. circa 2010

*TW: Talking about mental health issues and depression*

First & foremost, I’m going to be completely transparent with you - my memories and recollections of starting & being in the band D.R.U.G.S. is hazy at times. Maybe it was partially from the partying, but probably also due to the stress & depression I was experiencing throughout that era of my life. Positively confirming that there was “trauma blocking” involved, as well. Therapy over the years has been immensely helpful in me understanding more about myself from that time, which sometimes feel like a lifetime ago. In reality, it was 12-13 years ago.

Now, that isn’t to say my time in D.R.U.G.S. was all negative. Quite the contrary! It was some of the best moments of my life being in the studio, making lifelong friends who were also incredible musicians, learning so much about the industry as a whole, and it being a massive stepping stone to where I am today.

But, I definitely walked right off one of those stones and dove off a cliff that resulted in me never wanting to be in a band ever again. Or tour. Or even pickup a guitar for over a year. I don’t even really remember listening to much music after I quit alongside the other members.

I suppressed so much throughout that time of my life. I masked & shoved all that stress, anxiety, & depression under the proverbial rug which didn’t help me in any way whatsoever. But, I learned a lot about myself in that process. I learned about my self worth; my capabilities & talents as a musician, but also a human being.

In September of 2009, Craig was let go from Chiodos. If my recollection serves correctly, I was with him when he received the news. I was pretty much living under his stairs since we were doing a lot of acoustic shows & just a bunch of music related things, in general. You immediately envision Harry Potter in a cupboard, but I was much more comfortable than that. I actually enjoyed my time on/off living in Michigan and made some incredible friendships during that time of my life.

The inception of DRUGS really happened immediately after the news of Chiodos moving on without Craig. I believe within the first week or two of that happening, we were already working with CRUSH Management along with the help & support of Pete Wentz to start a new band from scratch. Again, maybe it wasn’t that sudden, but I’m pretty confident it was. Scoring a deal with Warner Bros seemed to follow shortly after. They signed the band without ever hearing any music. We didn’t even have a name for the band yet. We were working with an A&R legend by the name of Craig Aaronson who signed My Chemical Romance, The Used, Avenged Sevenfold, and countless others. By the way, “DRUGS” was always the name we used when sending demos to management just so we could have everything organized in our personal iTunes libraries, well before that ended up actually being the band name. When it came time to solidify a band name, management said we should just call the band DRUGS, which I remember all of us laughing about. But they were dead serious. We thought creating an acronym made it a bit easier for us and the general public to digest. I initially threw out “Destroy Rebuild Until Godspeed”. I’m thankful we didn’t go with that one because it quite literally makes zero sense. We decided on “Destroy Rebuild Until God Shows”, which makes a little more sense.

I realized very early on that this was something extremely special and unique. When the other band members started getting involved, it really hit me hard with how top tier all of this was turning out to be - with Craig Owens from Chiodos, Matt Good from From First To Last, Aaron Stern from Matchbook Romance, Adam Russell from Story Of The Year.. and me, Nick Martin from Underminded. Who?! To say it really made me feel out of my depth is a massive understatement. The previous bands I had been in had nowhere near any kind of notoriety and clout that all these guys had had. It was extremely intimidating for me on so many levels. I believe I was the last member confirmed to be in the band, although I was there from inception. Or maybe it was Adam that was confirmed last.

L-R: Matt Good, Me, Aaron Stern | Recording sessions at John Feldmann’s

The intimidation levels only elevated when we locked in doing our debut album with John Feldmann, who was a legend to all of us. The sheer volume of seminal albums he played a part in was enough to question what the hell I was doing involved in any of this.

I had very briefly worked with Feldmann before this when I did some backup vocals on the Atreyu album, “Lead Sails Paper Anchor”.

Funny story of when I first met Feldman. I was asked by my good friend, Porter, who plays bass in Atreyu, if I’d like to do some backup vocals / group vocals on the new album they were working on at the time. I believe this was 2006 or 2007. I quite literally got asked in the afternoon, immediately got into my car & made the drive from San Diego to LA that same day so that I could be on the album. I couldn’t pass on the opportunity to be on an Atreyu album, but also fulfill a dream of working with Feldmann. I remember pulling up to his house (where his studio was also located at the time) and was told to just walk in his front door and go into his bedroom. Again, I had never met Feldmann before. Here I am, a stranger walking into his house and being given the scrupulous directions to walk down his hallway into his bedroom. Why?! Well, at the time, the TV show “Lost” was a VERY big deal and the whole band was with him in his bedroom to watch the latest episode. In other words, no one could step away and potentially miss something important in the show, so I had to find my way to them.. Hey, I get it. Upon walking into his dark bedroom where the band was sprawled out on the floor, almost like it was a high school movie night sleepover, the first thing John Feldmann says to me is (who, again, had never met me before), “Hey Nick, find a spot on the floor or hop into bed with my wife & I.” It was quite the ice breaker that made us all crack up. I joined some of the band & studio crew on the floor and watched my very first episode of “Lost” that night, which I later became a huge fan of.

I truly feel like I would not have become who I am today if it wasn’t for that first D.R.U.G.S. album. Specifically, working in the studio with John Feldmann and Brandon Paddock. Those dudes helped me graduate from being a guy that just plays guitar & screams a bit, to a bonafide musician. It’s not that they were hard on me, they just taught me so much that I still carry with me to this day. I had never seen or been a part of making an album of this magnitude before. The speed & efficiency between Feldmann & Paddock and how they worked on a daily/nightly basis was utterly mind blowing to me. Watching Matt Good create these incredible riffs literally out of thin air was just jaw dropping to me. Witnessing Aaron Stern record his drums in Feldmann’s living room was a treat in itself. Craig & John would just hammer out these incredible lyrics and melodies with what seemed like utter ease. I did everything I could to keep up and just soak every bit of it in.

That self titled album was like a master class to me; in songwriting, recording, being in the music industry, A&R, etc. I also learned a lot from Pete Wentz at the time - who was the most gracious, helpful human being taking us under his wing. We’d go to his place after recording sessions, hang out, eat dinner, and watch funny reality television. There was a point during the making of the album that he was considering playing bass in D.R.U.G.S. since Fall Out Boy was taking a hiatus. But, I believe at the time he was also working on Black Cards with Bebe Rexha.

A moment that forever sticks out to me in the studio during the creation of that album was one morning being told that a rough mix of one of the songs we’d been working on was ready for us to hear for the first time. That song was “Mr. Owl Ate My Metal Worm”. Fun fact: it’s a palindrome, which means it’s spelled the same way backwards. We got super hooked on palindromes and thought they made for great song titles. Another palindrome on the album was “Laminated E.T. Animal”. One morning upon entering the studio, we got to listen to “Mr. Owl” for the first time. I will always remember the feeling of hearing that blaring through the studio speakers. Goosebumps all over my body. I remember my jaw dropping & my eyes bulging out of my head when the main riff hit. I couldn’t believe it was us. That we had made that. Experiencing high levels of imposter syndrome, I think we all started laughing because of how shockingly great it was. It was a moment when I knew we had something special. Those kinds of special moments in the studio are what I’m always aiming for. I’ve been fortunate to have more than a few of those moments with Sleeping With Sirens. It’s an indescribable feeling.

Taken at Feldmann’s during the writing/recording. So artsy, right?

The same feeling happened when I heard “If You Think This Song Is About You, It Probably Is”, which I believe I titled. I remember John Feldmann coming back from a quick vacation with his family and he came storming into the studio and said he had come up with an idea for a song when he was away. He’s yelling and air drumming this chaotic song concoction from his head, then grabs an acoustic guitar and starts playing the chords for what turned out to be “If You Think This Song..”. Hearing rough mixes of that for the first time made me want to break shit, which I think was the overarching idea behind the creation of it.

We shot off like a cannon when that album dropped. Selling out shows from the get go and building quite the fanbase at a very rapid pace. But, I also remember us being hated on from the get go. I have thick skin and knew being in this band would only test said skin even more. But, the one that stung the most was Keith Buckley taking digs at us on Twitter at the time and I remember being so bummed because I had been such a huge Every Time I Die fan for years. Still am. Fortunately, we squashed all that years later. I see and recognize that we were easy targets at the time.

But, I will say the funniest shit talking was from James Muñoz, the singer of the Bled, who I was also a massive fan of and had toured with in the past when their album Pass The Flask came out out many years prior. I believe Alternative Press had announced us being on the cover of an upcoming issue and James tweeted something to the affect of:

“What does D.R.U.G.S. even stand for? Doesn’t Really Understand Good Songwriting?”

I’m laughing out loud as I type it. It was a solid burn, guys. You can’t deny it. I’ve learned in this industry that you can’t take yourself too seriously. At the end of the day, it’s not worth losing sleep over people not liking you or your music. Music is subjective, which means not everyone is going to be a fan of what you create, and that’s ok.

For all the high’s making that album, there were difficult, low times leading up to & throughout its creation. The biggest being that my mom was battling and overcoming breast cancer, which was difficult to see her go through. Her positivity & optimistic attitude through that tough time in her life really put a lot into perspective for me - it still does, in fact. I would go with her to her radiation treatments and all the nurses would smile & be so happy to see her. My mom went through such a difficult period in her life, all with a smile on her face; just ready to kick cancer’s ass. And she did just that. She’s been cancer free for many years now. If you’re reading this: I love you, Mom.

To add to the tough times: During the making of that album, my car was totaled by a drunk driver on Thanksgiving Day outside John’s house. I was in relationships that were so toxic and just thoroughly destroyed my self worth and confidence. I was flat broke on top of all this. I just didn’t feel like I had a proper handle on my life at all & life was going too fast.

I didn’t feel like I could lean on people at the time, even though I know I had plenty of people around me who would’ve listened and cared. Here we were going a million miles an hour creating this band and this incredible album, it was difficult to find time to process & digest anything. Adding inner turmoil within the bands’ dynamics made it that much more difficult, especially when it came to feeling like I could talk to anyone about my stress & anxiety levels.

Looking back, I definitely could’ve spoken up more during the D.R.U.G.S. era of my life. I felt beneath people. I felt intimidated. I felt like the weakest link in the room all of the time. But with all that being said, I enjoyed that fairly quick ride we had together.

The master class of epic proportions! Not just music related, but human related. I learned so much about what I love (and don’t love) about being in a band, or the music industry, and I’ve been more intentional since day 1 with Sleeping With Sirens to seek out & nourish those things I know I love. I still make this a focus for myself to this day - even after 10 years of being in this band.

I’m very proud of that self titled album that we made in D.R.U.G.S. It will always be special to me and hold a dear place in my heart.

I hope that you enjoyed this. If so, feel free to subscribe for future writings & thoughts. Did you enjoy this? Let me know down below and what you’d like to hear or know more about from my life.

Much love,

Nick

D.R.U.G.S. | Warped Tour 2011