Hello, Tour Exhaustion.

Inspired by a stranger & a story about screaming at myself while being compassionate at the same time.

Good morning from Norwich! Currently sat in a bustling coffee shop relaxing after consuming a bacon bap. Bap’s are THE quintessential food item at cafes when strolling around the UK. What is it? A little, elementary sandwich. Literally 1-2 ingredients inside. A quick pick me up of sustenance on a very basic level that does just the trick. I’m surrounded by people of a median age of 55-75, I would guess.. And I love it. To my left is an older gentleman in his Friday best, sitting alone, thumbing through a newspaper, enjoying what looks to be a hot latte, & looking absolutely happy with life judging by the slight glow of a smile he’s emitting. Ah, he’s now exiting with cane in hand, ready to carry on with his day. Cheers to you, mate.

Packed house in London. Photo: Nick Stafford

I’m aiming to reach these levels of mental repose & relaxation he is clearly experiencing today. There comes a point on tour where no matter how much sleep you get, no matter how much vitamins & water you consume, charging your personal batteries to 100% becomes an impossible feat. It’s inevitable. Any & every bit of gas we have left in our tanks is carefully & strategically stored away for when we hit the stage every night. This violent, beautiful onslaught of adrenaline that courses through our veins onstage and the imminent, equally violent crash that supersedes it is quite the toll for the human body to take every night. It’s a drug, really.

I live for that specific adrenaline. One that doesn’t require actual substances to be ingested or consumed. It’s the loud crowd, it’s the guitars, it’s the screaming, the blood, the sweat, the tears, the lights, the energy that completely consumes my being.

But holy fuck, it is a draining game we play as musicians.

Circle pit onstage. Photo: Nick Stafford

Last night in Leeds, I could feel after the 2nd song of the set, “Kick Me”, that I was falling behind the drums & click. In other words, I wasn’t playing on time and my body & mind were a bit slow & sluggish. When my brain is telling my fingers to keep up, but they refuse to comply. So, before we started our 3rd song, “Leave It All Behind”, I walked to the side of the stage, out of frame from the crowd, and just yelled “FUCKKKKKKK!” as loud as possible.

It was self frustration, but not in an angry way. I’m hard on myself, but also have to give myself compassion when needed, especially in this instance of just being exhausted. That’s allowed. So, there I am yelling onstage to amp myself up & attempt to kick my adrenaline into high gear; like filling the tank up with an emergency gas can you’ve got in the trunk of your car to ensure you make it to your final destination. Fortunately, I bounced back and had an incredible show, feeding off of the insane crowd to help me get across the finish line. Whew! It’s those moments where you have to dig a bit deeper, buried deep down in the doldrums of your core, to find that place to jumpstart the engines and go into “fuck it mode”.

My body hurts. I feel hungover even though I didn’t drink. Everyone in this cafe is in my fish bowl of an existence this morning. What a life I live. And I say that with humility and zero sarcasm. These places I go to figuratively and metaphorically really add so much to my life in so many categories. I’m also proud of myself. Something that’s taken me a lifetime to say. I tell myself that feeling this exhausted is actually a good thing because that means I’m giving it my all. Every. Single. Night. I don’t give it 99%. I give it 100%, even in moments when my mind & body are feeling a bit tapped. Just gotta dig sometimes.

Birmingham. Photo: Nick Stafford

On this day off today, I am going to do what I can to emulate that man who was sitting next to me reading the newspaper & enjoying alone time this morning. My version of that will be sitting in a hotel room, catching up on The Mandalorian, trying to nap, get some Nando’s, recharging my batteries, and refilling that emergency gas tank to crush the last 4 shows of this UK tour.

Now, it’s time for me to exit this cafe and carry on with my day. Inspired by the classy fellow next to me, I’ll do it with a smile on my face. Happy as fuck.

Much love,

Nick